Necromancing

The bad news is, I’ve not posted here in a while. The good news is, that’s because I overcame demons, broke curses, and wrote a new dissertation chapter. The extra good news is, my advisor loved it.  He said it was well-written important work, even. The terrifying news is, that means my project has taken off at an accelerated pace, with a brand new panel, schedule, and defense date. Why is that so terrifying? Well, there’s the obvious reason: I haven’t been producing at a fast pace in quite a while, nor have I had other people depending on my production. But when I stop and think about that, it’s less scary and more challenging.  I like a good challenge.  I like seeing my word count rise.  Deadlines have always been easiest for me to meet when I have external accountability, people waiting for me. So, is it the pressure to out-perform myself with each new chapter–to write a chapter

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23:32

Huzzah, it’s my birthday! The perfect occasion on which to get all introspective.  Or at least more so than other days. I must say, I’m excited to turn 32.  I much prefer even-numbered years, for reasons I can’t quite explain, and since 8 is my lucky number, this year should be especially great, since 32 is divisible by 8 four times. Oh snap. I’m also excited to turn 32 for more “real” reasons, though. Reason 1: My dissertation is in a good place I don’t want to say much more than that.  One of the things I’ve learned about myself over the years, is that if I expend too much energy talking about the intricacies of what engages me, or the excitement of it, I lose the magic.  Sort of like if I let an actual cat out of an actual bag, and the cat turned around and was like, fuck you, man, you put me in a bag!? and

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Surviving four years of trump

This election cycle was god awful, and somehow the results are worse.  Maybe because they were a surprise?  Or maybe because the man who won is the most hateful, fearful, horrible, erratic person to ooze his way across the political field, at least in my lifetime. He wants to screw with my healthcare.  He wants to suppress my rights as a gender non-conformant person.  He wants to control the female-sexed parts of my body. And beyond me–because I am capable of considering such things–he wants to ruin the lives of people of color.  He wants to deport Muslims.  He wants to deport immigrants and stem the arrival of refugees.  He wants to destroy trade agreements and international diplomacy. He wants to build walls, deny climate change, and demonize legitimate journalism.  He wants to appoint more of his ilk. All in the name of making America great again… I am struggling to process the results of this election not only because

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The Holloway Project

Yes, this project is technically my dissertation.  I’ll continue to tag it as such on the website so that it links to prior posts on my theory and research.  And I intend to defend it and complete the graduate journey I started. But I also have plans for this piece that move it outside of the realm of the typical dissertation. Namely, I want to make this a compassionate project, for me, for readers, for those directly affected by my research. Here’s what I mean… Self-compassion: Over the past year, I realized that I don’t really want tenure.  I don’t want committee appointments, where I have to turn brilliant people down for funding.  I don’t want high-pressure research projects that divorce me from my students.  I don’t want to communicate in code.  And I am six kinds of over all the rambling conference presentations. I recognize that some people feel empowered by these codes and systems.  I do not.  If

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