Dino Drop (returns) #15

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Elliot: What about that one?

Me: I don’t know…doesn’t he look a bit geriatric?

E: Oh, you’re right, though.  He has gout.

Marcus: And some of his spike are fall out.

E: He obviously has cataracts, too, and it looks like those teeth might be dentures.

M: And he is have belly-pot and miss arm.  Maybe he is have dia-beets.

E: Diabetes?

M: That is what I am say!

Me: You guys, this is far too sad.  We can’t bring Dino Drop back with the saddest of entries.  I’m just thinking about how he lives alone in a tiny little apartment that violates all sorts of health and safety codes.  And how he probably lost his arm in a war, and now people just look at him strangely because he only has one arm, but he just wants to be loved and respected again.  His wife is dead.

E: First of all…holy shit.  And second, you’re only on that track because you just watched that painful episode of Call the Midwife.

Me: Oh my god that episode…

E: No! Don’t think about it again! Rerouting, rerouting, happier thoughts, new plans for this dino.

M: Maybe is just disguise.  Like, he is just look old, so he is lure enemy close.  And then he is be like SURPRISE MOTHERFUCKER. And then kill and eat.

Me: I actually like that scenario better.  I’m not sure what that says about me.

E: It says you’ve been spending a great deal of time around Marc.  Also, Marc, you’re not supposed to be swearing, remember?

M: SURPRISE MOTHERFLOWER.

E: Not even you can make that sound fearsome.

M: Yeaaaah, weeeell, flower you.

Me: How long are you going to make him keep saying that?

E: Until Mira stops thinking that it’s alright to drop the F-bomb in art class, I should think.

M: Uuuuuugh, she is never stop think that because is best. word.  You are say like all of time!

E: Not in front of the kiddos, buddy boy.

M: Non.  We are non buddy.  I am kill and eat.  I am wear old man costume and then you are come to check on, and I am turn you into pot roast.

E: That’s what you would turn me into?

M: Sic.

E: Huh.

M: What?

E: I don’t know, I guess I thought you would at least have the decency to turn me on a spit and dance around or something.

Me: What, have you thought about this?  You’ve thought about how you would want Marc to cannibalize you?  That is messed up.

E: Well, how would you prefer to be eaten?

Me: By an alligator.

E: See? You’ve thought about it.

Me: That’s totally different.  I’m not planning for Marc to cannibalize me as though it’s some kind of eventuality.  Man, we are way off track.  What else about this dinosaur?

M: Weeeelll, I am like that his say RAWR.  But should be all capital letter, I am think.  I am non sure what “Rawr” is sound like.  I guess is noise dinosaur is make when he is like…answer phone or settle on TV channel or maybe do good job parallel park. What?  What is so funny?

E: You! Settle on a TV channel, hahaha.

M: Whatever! Whenever we are manage to agree on what to watch, you are always say something like “finally” or “quite” or “thank god.”  Dinosaur would be like, *sigh* “…Rawr.”

E: No, it makes perfect sense.  I just love that you generated that exact list of possibilities.

Me: I love the idea of dinosaurs doing normal everyday things.

E: You’ve always liked that–strange things doing everyday things.

Me: Absolutely.  I really should spend more time in costume just wandering around going grocery shopping, mailing bills, and riding the L.  Scratch that last one, you see costumed people on the L all the time.  Maybe holding office hours in costume.

M: You are already do.

Me: Yeah, but it was Halloween.  I mean like, for no reason.  Oh hey, it’s May 18th, I think I’ll just wear this mask and hit up Trader Joes. That sounded wrong.

E: …yeah.

Me: I meant wear a costume mask and go to the store!

E: Yep.

Me: E! You know what I mean!

E: Indeed.

Me: Whatever, dickjerk.  I do wonder, though, why is a dinosaur who only softly “Rawrs” a killer?

M: Is part of costume.

E: Or! Or it could be part of his psychopathy.  He’s a soft-spoken sort of fellow, so you don’t even notice that he’s about to flip out and attack you.

Me: Ok, now who’s a creep?

E: Um, you are the only reason I know anything about psychopaths.  I’m not the one writing a dissertation on mental institutions and desperately trying to find something to replace the Dexter-shaped void in my life.

Me: I had such high hopes for Hannibal, but it got formulaic so quickly…

E: My point exactly.  Marc…Marc are you practising old man face?

M: Non?

E: Don’t make me into a pot roast.

*   *   *

If you’re tuning in for the first time, or you’ve forgotten where these drawings came from, check out the very first explanatory Dino Drop here.

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Historian, novelist, musician, and imagination professional.

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