Me: Since it’s the Fourth of July, I tried to find a dinosaur that was stereotypically American in some way. But non of them really said “MURICA” to me.
Elliot: So, instead you picked one who thinks he’s a cat?
Me: I guess so? What do you care? You’re British. And you live and work in Canada half the time.
Marcus: Why he is think he is cat?
Me: I don’t know. He doesn’t seem too sure about his identity, what with the ellipses after the “Meow.”
M: Maybe evil witch is steal able to roar.
E: Do we even know for sure that dinosaurs roared? Have scientists been able to determine that by musculature? Or are we just guessing?
M: They are roar!
E: Well, of course you think they do.
M: IS TRUE THEY ARE ROAR
E: Fine fine…I’m looking it up later.
Me: I think this cat dinosaur is made of potatoes.
E: Hah! He does look it. Mr. Potato Head dinosaur.
Me: He even has the starts of roots. I mean, I think those are supposed to be arms, but they look like spud roots.
M: I do non like! I do non like dinosaur that is make of potato and is non roar! Is worst!
E: Aw, I think I’ve made you sad.
M: Sic, you are make me sad…
E: I’m sorry, love. Why don’t we go back to the witch theory? It was a great theory. So, he was once fearsome and scaly and full of roars and the witch transmuted him…why?
M: *sigh* Witch is probable do because dinosaur is destroy and eat her witch house. They are on co-op board together and he was like, your house is so ugly and eyesore on block and you are need fix up and stop have gross witch thing lay all over yard. And witch was like, non, I am do whatever I am want because I am gross witch. And so he is go to house and ruin, and then she is turn him into potato cat.
Me: That is totally awesome. Marc, are you on the co-op board for your Toronto flat?
M: Non, E is do.
Me: Because you would react like the dinosaur?
E: He absolutely would. And then I’d be married to a potato cat.
M: I do non think we are have any witch in building.
E: What about Barbara?
M: Oh sic! …Barbara.
Me: What’s the deal with Barbara?
E: She’s just…I don’t even know exactly. She’s a recluse, and she is called into co-op meetings about once every three months on complaints of odd smells emanating from her flat. She’s been threatened with eviction about five times, but it never ends up happening because someone on the board always comes to her defence for no good reason. I’ve seen it happen once, and the person defending her looked really confused. So, she must glamour them or something.
Me: She probably blackmails people.
E: That’s likely closer to the truth, but Marc and I think she’s a witch.
M: She is so gross witch.
Me: Does she weigh the same as a duck?
E: Yes. Also, she turned me into a newt.
Me: I see you got better.
E: Monty Python.
M: Stupid. I want you to be newt.
E: Well, we should all want something.