Sorry to be a day late with this one. I’m in the midst of moving to a new apartment, and the process is eating up my time and energy.
I needed twenty minutes where I wasn’t carrying boxes up the stairs, though, so I thought I’d go ahead and post a dinosaur. Better late than never. Because dinosaurs are awesome.
Me: So, here he is. The dinosaur for this week. I picked him because the expression on his face perfectly encapsulates how I feel about having to move boxes up three flights of stairs for two more days. He’s just standing there looking at the stairs like, “I don’t wanna…”
Elliot: He is. He hates those stairs.
Marcus: I think he is hate horn. I think he is look at horn and be like, I am hate this thing that is grow between my eye. Is so in way.
E: I think he is probably used to life with a horn between his eyes.
M: He is probable also hate be blue. He is different color than all other dinosaur and can non blend in. Dinosaur were non blue!
Me: You don’t know that. No one knows what color the dinosaurs actually were. Shit, we just decided in the past few years that T-Rex might have had feathers and the ability to swim for long distances.
M: I am HATE idea of T-Rex have feather. But I am love that he is swim. He is like, oh, you are think you are get away from me, Mr. Prey? Guess what? I am motherfucking swim like six hundred mile to eat you. RAWR
E: Oh good, you’ve put him in dinosaur mode. Marcus, go clean the breakfast dishes while you’re being a T-Rex. I hear they like to clean dishes.
M: RAWR SLASH
E: Did I say attack me!? I did not say attack me! Stop it! Stop chasing me!
Me: Wow, I’m really glad I asked you guys to come home from work for the morning to help me write up a Dino Drop. You’re so helpful.
Me: So, um, I guess other things that I thought were odd about this dinosaur today. Well, his spikes are a totally different color than his body. They look like they were either added as an afterthought, perpetually in shadow, or possibly fashion spikes. Maybe this dinosaur bought fashion slip covers for his spikes, and he’s pouting because he just looked in the mirror and realized they came in the wrong color. He wanted them to be ferocious and red, but they’re just blue, like the rest of him.
M: DINOSAUR ARE NON CHAIR RAAAAAAAAAWR THEY ARE NON HAVE SLIP COVER!!!
E: Oh my god, you are the loudest thing that was ever loud.
M: RAAAAAAWR I AM SO SHOUT
Me: Remember when Marc first showed up and he knew about ten words of English? So he would just say “SHOUT” when he was angry about something?
E: Remember how he still does that?
Me: Wait…did you just run and hide under your pool table?
E: He’s really scary! Don’t judge my timidity. Where is he…?
Me: He’s stalking through the conservatory pretending to pick up your scent.
E: Sure. Pretending.
Me: What do you think of my slip cover theory?
E: I think it’s more likely that he has no spikes or tail mace or horn or anything, and he purchased the lot of them as a set. Now he’s pouting because they don’t look particularly natural on his frame. He does not pass for a fearsome dinosaur, now, does he?
Me: Good. Call. That is totally his deal.
Me: What’s your deal? When are you going to stop hiding?
E: When I run out of food and water.
Me: You don’t need food and water. Also, Marc has rounded his way through the breakfast nook into the kitchen. He knows where you are. You can see it on his face. He’s coming for you, E…
E: AGH, I feel like I’m in Jurassic Park.
Me: More like, Jurassic MARC, amiright?
E: Shut up. I’m going to make a mad dash for the front door…
Me: Good, announce your plan for escape.
E: Shut up! He’s very method about his dinosaur playacting. They can’t understand human conversation.
Me: Did he not just shout in English?
E: Oh, he was just vocalizing his inner thoughts, but that doesn’t mean he can understand the spoken word. Why in god’s name do I know that?
Me: He sees you! Oh man, he’s coming after you! OH, that is brutal…
E: Alright! Stop slashing me! I’m dead! You bit me!!
M: Of course I am slash and bite. I am T-Rex idiot. What you are think I am do? Hand you flower and sing you song? I am go back to work now…you should probable put on new shirt that is non all tear and break. FEARSOME RAWR
E: Do you see this?
Me: Nope, no sympathy. You knew he was batshit when you married him, and you married him anyway. You like his crazy.
E: *Sigh* I feel like Rodney Dangerfield would post-dinosaur attack. Can’t get no sympathy.
Me: Cry me a river.