It’s still rather odd for me to see my words up here online. The “pages” seem cozy and safe and permanent, but the “posts” are more obvious and transient. Therefore, every time I go to write a post with any seriousness (other than my Welcome post, which is also semi-permanent), I get a bit shy. I’m sure this will pass, but for now, here is a new post about something totally ridiculous to help pull me out of my reticence.
I drank a bug last night.
A gnat to be specific.
When I was much younger, my mom would leave a Ninja Turtle thermos with a bendy straw next to my bed in case I had an allergy attack in the night. By force of repetition, I carried this safeguard into adulthood. Although I no longer have the thermos, I still keep a water glass on my bedside table so I can have a sip in the middle of the night if I wake up and don’t want to walk all the way to the kitchen for a drink. If I went into the kitchen to get water, it wouldn’t be cold anyway, which is sort of the central problem here.
The kitchen sink emits hot water and slightly less hot water. The slightly less hot water comes out of the cold tap, and no matter how long I let it run, it only gets to about lukewarm. And then I feel guilty for running a bunch of water down the drain. I have been informed that it is a pesky sort of project to fix this issue, and that it’s relatively intrusive to the plumbing. (My landlord told me the same thing about my leaky shower knobs, though, so maybe the fix-it-guy just doesn’t like repairing things all that much.)
There are two routes to remedying lukewarm water.
One, I can put the water through the filter-box-thing I bought for the fridge. But I have to remember to fill it, which is not high up on my list of things to remember. Also, filtered water gives me this weird heart burn sort of feeling on occasion, and so I don’t trust it in the middle of the night.
Two, I can put ice cubes in the water. But it takes about six ice cubes to come even close to cooling lukewarm water. And at that point, the ice cubes have melted. So I have to not only judge about how much room to leave in the glass for the melting ice, but I also have to come to terms with the fact that the water will inevitably taste like the inside of the freezer (read: rubber, freezer burn, and sorrow).
So, my third option last night was to just drink the water that I had left on the nightstand from the previous morning. My window had been open all day to the breeze and as the night came in it cooled everything down, including my water. It also let in a gnat. Which drown. In my glass.
I looked at the gnat and tried to fish him out, but I only succeeding in pushing him down to the bottom of the glass where he wallowed in lifeless apathy.
And I thought to myself, well, I never get to the bottom of the glass anyway. I might as well just leave him there and have cool water for the one sip I might not even wake up long enough to take.
Drank the whole thing. Apparently in the middle of the night when I came up out of sleep and only vaguely remembered that there was a gnat in my water.
When I woke up this morning and looked over at my nightstand, I had a distinct moment that was half shock and half grimace. And then I kind of felt like a badass astronaut who eats chocolate covered crickets and whatnot.
The moral of this story is that I should join NASA. Because I can eat gnats.
No, not really.
There’s no moral.